A Horrible Idea
by Zanzabaar
Summary: Somehow, and nobody knows how, Harry Potter convinced his wife and Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy to participate in a wizard wife swap! Will Ginny be able to survive living with a stupidly stubborn Draco Malfoy? Will Astoria be able to not get horribly murdered by mentally a disturbed Albus Potter? Will Albus be able to find true love? Will James and Scorpius meet their bias? Find out!
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Ginny Potter hated her husband. For all that he has accomplished, you would think that he would stop having such idiotic ideas. That includes the situation that he has just put her in. She still doesn't understand how the great and wonderful Harry Potter managed to convince Draco Malfoy to swap wives, let alone Astoria and herself. Sure, Scorpius and Albus were best friends, but the two young men knew the meaning of subtlety. They definitely didn't inherit that trait from their fathers.

And then there was the fact that Ginny herself didn't much care for the Malfoys. Scorpius she could tolerate because he had been a good friend to Albus, especially during Albus' horror of a fifth year, but his father was another story. Plus, he acted more like her own sons than Malfoy spawn.

As she looked upon the gates of Malfoy Manor, though, she decided that if she sucked in her pride, she might be able to make it through what was likely going to be a gut wrenching experience.

ZZZ

Astoria Malfoy was more excited about the upcoming experience than she let on to her husband and son. She was particularly fond of Albus, and was looking forward to seeing how the first Slytherin Potter in recent memory interacted in his own home, which was filled with Gryffindors. Her husband had scoffed at her living in the Potter home, doubting that it even came close to having any of the luxuries that the Manor did.

Looking at the decent sized and well kept Tudor in Godric's Hollow, she knew that while it wasn't going to be what she was used to, it wasn't going to be nearly as bad as Draco predicted it to be.

ZZZ

After an overly long and dramatic walk from the gate and into the main house, a very grumpy-looking Draco Malfoy greeted Ginny. The man was wearing traditional wizard robes, all black.

"Weasel," he said in a polite tone, which was clearly strained.

"Ferret," Ginny chimed in the same overly polite tone.

Before they could start hurling more insults at each other, Scorpius came through one of the side doors. Unlike his father, Scorpius was wearing jeans and a shirt with the word _Inspirit_ on the front. Her son James had the same shirt. She forgot that James also got along a little too well with the young Malfoy. Scorpius, while in face and hair color took after his father, he was broader in the shoulders, torso, and hips, and Albus said that he was really popular with the opposite sex at Hogwarts. Albus always look a little sad when he says stuff like that.

He looked surprised and somewhat guilty when he saw Ginny.

"Oh, Mrs. Potter, I didn't think you'd gotten here yet," he said with a genuine smile and politeness. "I hope Father has been polite."

The boy's father gave him a cold look and Ginny smiled. "He has been bearable enough."

"Scorpius, please show Mrs. Potter to where she will be sleeping while I go inform your grandparents that she is here," Mr. Malfoy drawled in a way similar to one Potions professor the adults once had.

"Sure!" the boy said, and he immediately came over and picked up her bags. Ginny was impressed. She doubted that her own children would have done that.

ZZZ

Astoria was greeted at the front door by the one and only Harry Potter.

"Oh, hello," he whispered, "you must be Astoria. Come in, come in."

He stepped aside and Mrs. Malfoy quietly glided over the threshold into a large and obviously lived in living room. There was a staircase to her left, with a door leading to what she assumed was the kitchen on the back wall and a roaring fireplace on the wall to the right. There was a monstrous couch and a large chair in front of the fireplace. Various pictures of the Potter family were above the fireplace, all waving and smiling at Harry and Astoria. Albus was curled up in the large chair and was very obviously in a deep sleep. Astoria didn't think she had ever seen Albus look so innocent. From what Scorpius had told her, she knew that he was far from being innocent.

"He had his head in the fireplace most of last night, talking to what sounded like someone special," Harry whispered as he started up the stairs with Astoria's bags.

Scorpius had told Astoria about this. She knew that Albus hadn't told his parents all of the details about what happened the previous two semesters. She thought that Albus only told his parents the bare minimum to explain why he had spend so much time in the hospital wing and in the Headmaster's office. Astoria knew that some of what happened Albus brought upon himself. Her son had told her some horror stories of his best friend's slightly sadistic sense of humor and apathy about the world around him. Apparently when he was younger he had something close to Paranoid Personality Disorder, but through a whole lot of therapy he was able to work through it. Some things apparently remained…

As Mr. Potter guided her up the stairs she started to hear the muted sound of music through the walls.

"It's a new group that James has found," Harry informed when Astoria mentioned it. "Bilasa or something. I don't know. Scorpius would probably know something about it. They both seem to like the same music. Don't worry, James has enough sense to turn it down when people have to sleep."

"I believe I've heard the same song through Scorpius's walls, and he usually doesn't turn it down, so you have no need to worry about getting any complaints from me."

About that time, Harry led Astoria into the guest bedroom, which was, like the rest of the house, lived in, but still nice enough that Astoria's upper class upbringing didn't feel offended. So far, Mrs. Malfoy was thinking that she was going to probably enjoy herself very much.

That was until she got to dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, I never imagined that it would be this..." Ginny said, not able to find the proper words to described exactly how she felt about the bedroom the Scorpius led her into.

"It's gaudy," Scorpius filled in as he put Ginny's trunk at the end of the bed. "I know. The entire place is like this."

"Yeah, well, it's impolite for a guest to say something like that the first time coming into someone's home."

Scorpius laughed. "Then I guess Father shouldn't have taken it seriously when Albus said that this place must have arisen from the depths of the Netherworld to house the cruel on this plane."

"Yeah, well, Albus is a sadistic little ass," Ginny said as she flung herself into one of the high backed black leather chairs in front of the marble fireplace. She gestured for Scorpius to sit in the other chair.

"Here for five minutes and already acting like the queen you are, huh?" Scorpius joked as he sat down. "And as far as sadistic little asses go, being friends with Albus is still probably worth it, even if it is just to see the faces he can make Father make."

There was silence between them for a few seconds before Ginny burst out laughing. "Several years ago, I would have probably punched anyone who seriously said that one of my children was crazy, but Al is just special."

Scorpius grinned. "People like Albus are the reason why there's that saying that some people are nicer when you get to know them. Did you know that he likes to cuddle?"

Ginny's eyes widened in shock. "No! Please, do tell."

"Yeah, I discovered it in the middle of 3rd year. It was before he started really being _expressive_, if you want to call it that. Some Gryffindors were trying to bait him into one of the fugue states he would have back then. Al didn't go into a fugue, but he came back to the dorm as I was about to go to sleep and just slipped in and cuddled me. It's been a ritual ever Thursday evening ever since."

"So that's why the rumors of your two dating started popping up!"

Scorpius nodded. "I didn't really mind. Being the only non-Potter that Albus trusted made me feel special. Plus, if there were going to be rumors of me dating someone floating around Hogwarts, I'm glad it was Albus. It elevated my popularity with the ladies when I didn't deny the rumors. I don't know why, but Albus seems to have a fan club at school who actually like his near-sociopathic behavior."

Ginny chuckled. "Yeah, I've definitely heard. Lily the president of the fan club."

"Seriously? I wish I was filled in on that. I would have been able to pass along some serious information if I knew!"

Ginny was about to respond when a House Elf peaked his head through the door.

"The Master wanted Tipsy to inform the young Master Malfoy and the Honored Guest that the evening meal will be served promptly at seven," Tipsy squeaked.

"Thank you, Tipsy," Scorpius said. The House Elf left.

"Tipsy?" Ginny said. "Who came up with that?"

"I did," Scorpius said with a smug look. "There's a reason why I'm still Albus's friend."

ZZZ

Out of all of the Potter children, Astoria knew the least about Lily. James and Albus seemed to spend at least half of his summer at Malfoy manor. James and Scorpius would often go to concerts together (and drag Albus along). Seeing the three in there perfectly tailored clothes was something to behold, and Astoria wasn't surprised that both Potter boys had fan clubs. From what Astoria experienced at dinner, she doubted that Lily would actually let up any actually information about herself directly.

The first dinner Astoria had with the Potters was undoubtedly the most interesting one. James and Mr. Potter were both competent conversationalist and often were able to bring Mrs. Malfoy into whatever topic they were talking about. James talked about the upcoming concert he and Scorpius were going to; Mr. Potter would often bring up what was going on at work, which brought many eye rolls out of James and Lily. Unless someone was specifically talking to him, Albus never actually said anything, but would nod in agreement occasionally; when someone did say something to him, they were lucky if they got a response. It was quite different from the way he acted at Malfoy Manor. When Albus shared meals with her family, Astoria was quite impressed by his knowledge of what was going on in the world around him, and he always seemed to pair ever event with some amusing quip about the people involved. Astoria knew that kids usually acted different around their parents and rarely told them everything, but she thought that Albus took it to the extreme. She also found that it seemed that James was in on everything that happened in Albus's life, because he steered the conversation away from Albus at least twice that Astoria noticed. The way the brothers interacted when they came to visit Scorpius let Astoria know that the two were close, and that Albus was grateful for what his brother did.

Astoria discovered that Lily _loved_ talking about other people. Astoria discovered that one of Luna Scamander's sons was apparently pinning after her and the other one was going after Albus. When Lily asked Albus how he felt about it, he just shrugged. When James asked what Lily thought about being the "light of someone else's eyes," she just laughed and said that it was a secret.

Overall, Astoria thought hat things were going well. She quite like Mr. Potter, and he was able to convince her to call him Harry before she finished half of her meal. He seemed so proud of his kids, and would look at the fondly when James and Lily would banter back and forth and Albus would nod along with what James said. All in all, it was quite a lovely scene, one which Astoria wished that she could experience more often.

That was until the light fixture fell into the middle of the table.


End file.
